Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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