Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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