This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
