dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
