It's like God shit irony all over that family
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
