Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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