I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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