I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
