oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
