I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
