so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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