I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
