This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
