I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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