Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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