It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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