can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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