dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
did i just pee glitter
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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