she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
