I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
