...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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