Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
