and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
