this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
