He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
