Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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