Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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