nut hugger
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
