He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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