R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
