you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
