hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
