He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
