he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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