mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
