You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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