ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
