so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
