Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
