You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
