Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
