I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
