I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
