the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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