now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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