Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
