You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
