i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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