What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
