I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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