I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
