My Higher Power is John Stamos
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
