Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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