She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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